


Identity matters

by xenamoi



Series: Roxas and Ventus week (2020) [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship, Gen, Light Angst, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, they are the best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26821999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xenamoi/pseuds/xenamoi
Summary: Roxas thought he had left all his identity issues behind, but Ventus's return is awaking them again.Day 1 of the Roxas and Ventus week! Prompt chosen: "I am me, nobody else!"
Relationships: Roxas & Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)
Series: Roxas and Ventus week (2020) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1956346
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	Identity matters

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to everyone following me just for ship stuff, I love some platonic rokuven too!

“I am me, nobody else!”

Those were the words Roxas stated to Riku, over a year ago. Back then, well… he was a bit in the middle of an identity crisis. Trying to see who he was, and the answer the world eventually produced was that he was basically someone else’s shadow. Not the most pleasant thing to hear. Especially when right after that they tell you that you “weren’t supposed to exist”. Suboptimal way to have a good day, really.

It took Roxas a while to really understand all the information he was given. To realize that, while he may have started as the piece of someone else, he quickly grew into his own person. He really was himself, and nobody else. And even if he was not supposed to exist… well, several others appreciated his existence. And that, that was worth more than anything.

By the time he was given an artificial body, and a real chance to live his own independent life, all these identity problems were basically behind him. He had had the time to come to terms with his relationship to Sora, and even if he was Sora’s Nobody, the two were pretty different. It was impossible to mix up the two: the first reason of which was because they had more than enough physical differences.

Yes, truly, all his identity issues were behind him. Or so he thought.

But then Ventus came back. And at first, you know, Roxas thought absolutely nothing of it: they were in the middle of a war, and the important thing was stopping Xehanort, not thinking about the guy who looks like you. They even exchanged compliments while fighting, and Roxas could see Ven seemed like a cool person, that he’d want to know better.

But then the war ended, and Roxas realized he wasn’t as free of his past doubts as he thought. When he took some time to think about the situation, he understood that the fact that he and Ven looked identical was no coincidence, that Ven’s heart shaped him. His physical appearance, one of his main differences from Sora, was actually inherited from Ven. And a part of his mind, then, couldn’t help but wonder…

_Is everything distinguishing me from Sora actually coming from Ventus? Am I just a hybrid of both of them?_

_No. I am me, nobody else. I already know that, I already learned that._

But it was pretty difficult to shake the doubts away. Despite all the work he had done so far to go past his issues, that was too much for him to handle at once, and he fell back into them.

Part of him _knew_ that his doubts were probably unfounded. And he had had well enough discussions with Lea and Xion to know that a big part of what shaped Roxas was his different experiences from the others, and that even if he literally was a clone of Sora he would have ended up a different person because of that.

But what if? Ven’s heart was likely inside him during all the time he had these “different experiences”, after all. What if he really was only the reflection of two others, not his own individual?

Roxas did not want to have these doubts, and much less to let them control his life. But they were too much, they were too much for him, and for his own mental health, well… He started avoiding Ven. In an ideal world, he would have liked to learn about him more, but here, he just needed to get away from him, at least for now, at least while he didn’t settle his thoughts.

And so, when they had that big time at Destiny Islands together, he carefully arranged things so that they’d not be together. And afterwards, whenever they all met again, he did the same.

And all these times Ven was trying to see him… he provided excuse after excuse for why they couldn’t meet. Because, as much as Roxas was reluctant to meet Ventus, well, the reverse definitely wasn’t true. Ven was _motivated_.

“You know, Ven isn’t stupid,” stated Lea, who sat right next to Roxas on top of the Clock tower. “He knows you’re avoiding him.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, he asked me a few days ago if he did something wrong, and how he could make it up to you.”

“I still don’t really understand why he’s being so determined…”

“Hey, you know, I’m pretty sure he’s having a bunch of questions about all of this too. Besides, he’s _Ven_. Kid’s almost as bad as Sora on the whole ‘making friends’ stuff. He’s not gonna give up anytime soon, trust me.”

“I guess you’re right. But…”

“Yeah, yeah, I can imagine how you’re feeling. But, buddy, it’s gonna have to happen one day or another. Do you think you could have gotten the whole Sora thing behind if you ran away from him all the time?”

“...you have a point.”

“Don’t worry, dude’s super chill. I mean, when we met back then, I kinda bugged him out of nowhere, and he ended up rolling with whatever I had in mind at the moment, while thinking about it now I’m pretty sure he was not having a good time and it’d maybe have been more considerate leaving him alone.”

“And huh… what did you end up doing?”

Lea suddenly seemed to have an uncontrollable cough.

“Ahem… nothing, nothing! Just some little stuff, nothing worth mentioning, hey Roxas why don’t you prepare yourself about the whole ‘finally facing Ven’ thing?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll do so. And I’ll get the truth from him, Lea! I’ll know all your embarrassing little secrets.”

And so, the next time they were all gathered together, on the beach of Destiny Islands, Roxas let Ven take him apart from the others - even if doing so was difficult, he knew Lea was right, and that he was going to have to at one point or another.

Unsurprisingly, Ven was a very nice and sweet person. You could see he really wanted to become friends with people, and that anyone actually becoming his friend was a lucky person. Despite all the anxiety Roxas was having to be there… the presence of the other was soothing, in a way. Hard to stay nervous next to such a caring person.

After a long while, and a quite interesting conversation about a lot of topics, Roxas was definitely starting to feel more comfortable around Ven. But the doubts were still nagging him in the back of his mind… why did things have to be so _difficult_ sometimes?

“Roxas, can I ask you a question?” suddenly asked Ventus.

“Huh? Of course!”

“Did I do anything wrong with you?”

“N-no! Why would you feel that way?” answered Roxas, his voice shaking a bit. This was a difficult question, one he did not really want to deal with. Then maybe, it was better to address that matter right now, while they were together…

“Well, unless you are the absolutely unluckiest man of the world, it seemed like you didn’t really want to see me, that’s why I’m asking. ‘Cause like, if I did something wrong, I want to do something for you, right? So you can forgive me. I really want to be your friend and spend time with you and all… but you’re always so distant.”

“...it’s not your fault, Ven.”

“Huh?”

“It’s just… ah, it’s so stupid. You know how I’m Sora’s Nobody and all? It was quite hard to come to terms with my identity and everything surrounding it… and now, there’s you, and it’s throwing a wrench in my understanding of things. And I just, I’m not sure of how to deal with it…”

“Oh man, I feel you.”

“...what?”

“Look, I had amnesia twice, am still not sure of what was before the first one, have been groomed to become a weapon, had my darkness extracted from me and become an independent entity, and now I’m not even sure he’s just my darkness or something more. And like, who am I compared to the me that still had his darkness? Am I in the end a different person, or a continuation?”

“...wow. I did not imagine.”

“You’re maybe worried that you’re being defined by me, but look, ‘me’ is being so vague that it may mean nothing at all.” Ven chuckled, then pursued.

“More seriously, I’m pretty sure that everyone here had problems like that. So relax, Roxas. No one’s going to blame you or think less of you because of that. We understand, and we’re ready to help you move forward.”

“Thanks, Ven. It means a lot to me.”

“Hey, no problem at all. How do you feel about doing something together soon?”

“I - what?”

“Maybe watching a movie, or doing some training, or any activity you’d like. You know, so that the memories you have of me are of a friend who did nice things with you, and not whatever’s parasitizing your mind right now.”

“...I’d love to, Ven.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for having read this! I hope you enjoyed this short story.  
> If you would like updates on my work, don't hesitate to follow me on Twitter here! <https://twitter.com/_xenamoi>


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